Picking Your Music Can Make It or Break It

Have you ever been in this situation? You attend a friend's wedding, the ceremony is beautiful, and after dinner you look forward to dancing for the rest of the night. Then the fast music starts, but there are not many songs you recognize or enjoy dancing to. You decide to call it an early night and leave thinking the DJ was bad. But was that really the DJ's fault?

I started DJing in the 1980s and spent eight years as a DJ at the largest bar on the Ohio University campus. During that time, I began my mobile DJ career and founded DJ Express. Decades later, I am still DJing, MCing, hosting, and coordinating events. In all those years of wedding-reception experience, I have seen this situation play out more than once.

For your evening to be successful, you need to think about three styles of music and when each one is played.

Arrival, cocktails, and dinner music

The first style is the music played while guests arrive at the hall, during cocktails or hors d'oeuvres, and through dinner. This music sets the tone without demanding attention from every guest.

I have compiled a playlist of adult contemporary and light-jazz favorites, including artists such as Michael Bublé, Frank Sinatra, Kenny G, Najee, Boney James, Norah Jones, Dean Martin, Louis Armstrong, Etta James, and Chicago. It is a deep collection of cocktail-style music that helps the room feel welcoming while guests talk, eat, and settle in.

This part of the evening is not about filling the dance floor. It is about creating a comfortable atmosphere that lets guests reconnect and enjoy the celebration.

Music for the wedding events

Next is event music: the music played in the background during the main moments of the reception. That can include the grand entrance, cutting of the cake, garter and bouquet tosses, the bridal dance, bridal-party dance, father-daughter dance, mother-son dance, and anniversary dance.

These moments deserve attention because the songs become part of the memories, photos, and video from the day. Planning them ahead of time gives you confidence when each event arrives. The popular choices for these moments are available on my site, but your selections should still feel personal to you.

Party music keeps the night moving

Finally, there is the party music: the music played after the main events are over. This is the music that gives guests a reason to stay, dance, and have a great time.

A prospective client once asked how I would keep guests entertained for the duration of her reception. She wanted everyone dancing and having a good time from beginning to end. It was a great question, and the honest answer is that every guest enjoys the party differently.

No matter what music is played, some people will not dance. Some only dance to slow songs, while others will dance all night. Even guests who are not dancing may still be enjoying themselves by listening to music, talking with friends, or watching the dance floor.

Give your DJ room to read the crowd

The key to music selection really falls in your court. The more flexibility you give your DJ to do the job, the more dancing and fun there can be.

DJ Express keeps a Top 200 song list that changes a few times a year as music rises or falls in popularity. For the most part, these songs have proven to be reliable choices for keeping people dancing and entertained. About a month before the reception, I encourage couples to print the list and go through it together.

Use the list in three simple ways:

1. Cross out any songs you do not want played.
2. Mark the songs that must be played.
3. Leave alone the songs that are okay if requested.

If there are songs you want that are not on the list, simply add them at the end. That gives you a clear voice in the music without turning the reception into a rigid sequence that cannot respond to the guests in the room.

Listening music and dancing music are not always the same

Over the years, I have worked receptions where a couple provided a very specific playlist and chose not to use the Top 200 list. They believed they knew their guests' musical tastes best. I understand that instinct, but I have also heard the phrase, “Play this, everybody will dance to it,” many times. That phrase has cleared more than a few dance floors.

In one example, a couple gave me their own fast-music list and did not want to use the Top 200. I expressed my concern, but it was their night, and I played the music they requested. After the special events were over, no one was dancing. Even the photographer asked what was happening. About a quarter of the guests had left before the groom asked me to play what I normally would. Within 20 minutes, most of the guests were on the dance floor, and they stayed dancing for the rest of the evening.

The lesson is simple: there is music we like to listen to, and there is music people dance to. They are often not the same.

Make the reception feel like yours

If you want music you can listen to all night, you can load a playlist on an iPad or phone. But if you want the night to flow smoothly and want your guests to have fun, let your DJ do what they do best: blend your preferences with experience, timing, and the energy of the room.

The key to all of this is remembering that it is your special night. Your DJ works for you, so share your must-plays, your no-plays, and the music that matters most. Then give the reception room to breathe, adapt, and become the celebration you and your guests will remember.

Scott Simmons